There comes a point when you realize you can spend your entire life trying to change things that were never yours to control. Replaying conversations, wishing you had handled things differently, wondering what everyone else is thinking, apologize a hundred times, explain your heart until you have nothing left to say, wish people would see your intentions instead of your mistakes, wish the past had gone differently, wish someone would forgive you, wish a relationship looked the way it used to, wish you could go back and make different choices. But, wishing doesn't change what already happened, worrying doesn't give you control over what happens next, this has been a hard lesson for me lately. I'm learning that acceptance doesn't mean I'm okay with everything that has happened or that I don't care and it doesn't mean I stop loving people, stop trying, or stop hoping. It simply means I have to stop fighting reality, some things are out of my hands. Other peoples feelings and choices are out of my hands, how quickly someone heals is out of my hands, whether someone trusts me again is out of my hands, the past is out of my hands, and the outcome I desperately want is out of my hands. That doesn't mean I do  nothing, it means I finally understand where my energy belongs. I can control how I show up, whether I am kind, telling the truth, taking responsibility for my mistakes, keeping my promises, choosing patience when I want to react, keep growing when no one is watching, showing up with love even when things are uncomfortable and that's enough for today. I don't think healing is always some huge breakthrough where everything suddenly makes sense, for me healing looks like getting up in the morning and choosing to do the next right thing, it's letting someone have their feelings without trying to convince them they're wrong, it's giving someone space without assuming that space means they don't care, apologizing without demanding forgiveness in return, loving someone without trying to control how they love you back, accepting that you can't rewrite yesterday while still choosing to make today different, learning that I don't have to fix everything to prove that I care. I don't have to have all the answers, I just have to keep showing up where I can. Show up honestly, gently, consistently, when its hard, when nobody notices. Show up for the people that I love, but also show up for myself. There is a version of me who needs to stop living in yesterday, stop living today by what happened before, understand that making mistakes doesn't mean I'm incapable of becoming better, I can't change who I was. But I can decide who I am becoming. Grace doesn't erase the past, It gives us permission to stop letting the past decide everything about our future, I'm learning to loosen my grip, stop chasing what I cannot force. Stop asking myself "How do I make this turn out the way I want?" and start asking, "Who do I want to be while I'm walking through this?" I may not get to choose the circumstances or how people respond or the ending, but I do get to choose how I show up. That's all I need to focus on, not everything I can't change but everything that I can, one choice, one day, one little step at a time. Maybe just showing up is the beginning of becoming who I was always meant to be